Kookoodoll talks to Extreme Crime Scene Investigators!

WARNING: Due to the graphic and extreme content of this interview, viewer discretion is advised.

Kookoodoll.com takes you to the gruesome scene of Extreme Crime #2007. I talk with Extreme Crime Investigator Officer Clulis, who has handled 2007 Extreme Crimes in 50 states and 5 countries in 48 hours. It is an extreme schedule. Officer Clulis attempts to solve cases which are dismissed by authorities for being "outrageous and unsolvable." Yet, this does not stop Officer Clulis who treats each case with the utmost seriousity. (Editors note: Yes, that's a word.) Officer Clulis is an Extreme Crime Scene Investigator, committed to making our streets and neighborhoods safe.

Kookoodoll: I understand you were one of the first at the scene?

Officer Clulis: That's a fact.

Kookoodoll: How did you hear about it?

Officer Clulis: CSI, our affiliates in Miami concluded it was an extreme case and an Extreme Crime Scene Investigator was needed. They said, "Look, we need the best, you got to come down here. " Here I am.

Kookoodoll: What do ... (interrupted)

Officer Clulis: Let me say this. In my entire Extreme CSI career, I'd seen it all. It's unbelievable what some people will do. But nothing and I mean nothing in my entire career could have prepared me for this. You saw the exhibit photos. Could you believe it?

Kookoodoll: It's unusual. So what do you think happened?

Officer Clulis: This particular case hit home. (Pause.) Excuse me. (Gains composure.) We used the jaws of life to get inside the vehicle. That's when I saw the victim in the front seat. (Starts sobbing.) He looked like one of my own. I called home and found out mine was still in the living room.

Kookoodoll: Tissue?

Officer Clulis: Thanks. (Blows nose.) What is most disturbing is I think everyone knows televisions aren't supposed to be driving a motorized vehicle. At least not until they're 16 years old.

Kookoodoll: But, televisions don't drive cars.

Officer Cluliss: In extreme cases, they do.

Kookoodoll: Can you tell me more about the case?

Officer Clulis: We have what looked like a 12 year old trinitron; 19 inches, color tube, who appears to have lost control of the vehicle while parked. It was driving without a steering wheel. Like I said, this is an extreme case.

Kookoodoll: Was it wearing a seatbelt?

Officer Clulis: The victim was discovered wearing a seatbelt during impact and thus, remained relatively intact for identification purposes. After a standard manufacturer background check, it was confirmed the subject had rabbit ears. These were not recovered at the scene. Nor could we locate the remote control which is considered key evidence in a case like this. (Shakes head.) A real waste of a good tv.

Kookoodoll: So, is Clulis your real name?

Officer Clulis: Yes.

Kookoodoll: Oh really. Well, it just, uh, seemed funny for a tiny second but now it doesn't.

Officer Clulis: It's French like Inspector Cluseau.

Kookoodoll: Ah oui, ok, I appreciate your endeavor in making the world a better space for all of us. Merci.